Growing a Mother Tree With Self-love: Come Home to Yourself
Next spring, in 2027, I will be selling my family home. The thought of handing the keys to the new owners fills me with many emotions—mainly gratitude. I feel as though I am ending a relationship with someone I love, closing a chapter of commitment that shaped me and my girls. This house has witnessed and made room for my grief, my rebuilding, my mothering, and my becoming. As I reflect on my experiences, I acknowledge the opportunities this home offered me to grow into the person I am. My house became our home—an experience I had always longed for.
Building a Home Through Loss
Sometimes a home becomes a teacher when life asks us to begin again.
Thirteen years ago, my late husband and I chose this house to build a home for our family. Shortly afterward, he passed away. Caring for this home as a solo parent revealed profound truths. I discovered I could do it alone—and that asking for help was its own kind of strength. The safety this house provided for my three daughters, our small dog, and me allowed us to grow, grieve, trust, and love in ways I had never experienced.
This house held us. It steadied us. It gave us room to breathe. It rooted and grounded me as a mother. Over time, it became clear that my house was a metaphor for me. I returned home to myself.
My House - The Outdoors
The wilderness was my first house.
I never felt comfortable living in a house as a child. My sense of home was found canoeing across quiet lakes, sleeping in a tent, sliding into a warm sleeping bag each night, and waking up somewhere new. Adventure and the outdoors felt like home. I loved being on trips but often could not fully connect with those on the journey with me.
Looking back, I believe I struggled to connect with the houses I lived in because I struggled to connect with the people inside them. As a result of that disconnection, I struggled to connect with myself. My inner house—the one that contains my soul—was not a home yet. In a sense, my trips were building towards a home as they provided a lot of reflection and self-discovery.
Sisters, Honesty, and Healing With Self-Love
Sometimes truth arrives only after loss clears space for it.
I have three sisters. It wasn’t until our family experienced two tragic losses that we became honest with one another. No more pretending everything was fine or that we didn’t need help. It was freeing to learn I wasn’t alone in feeling disconnected from our mother and from one another.
My parents owned their home for 60 years. I liked the house, but I never felt at home in it. I did not feel an emotional connection to my mom—perhaps because she wasn’t connected to herself.
I love my mom deeply. She did the best she could and loved us in the ways she knew how—through cooking, cleaning, and taking care of us. I remember her working in December at Eaton's Downtown in the parcel department, earning extra money to ensure we had presents under the Christmas tree.
I also noticed as a child that my mom was uncomfortable receiving love, attention, or gifts. She followed the rules of the Bible as her family interpreted them. In her family she was encouraged to play small, to take care of others, and rarely take notice of herself. Unconsciously, my sisters and I lived what we learned. Each of us struggled to see ourselves. Our mother couldn’t see herself. Our house became a home when our father returned from work each day.
Creating My Home
Seeing myself clearly became the doorway to becoming the mother I needed.
My father, whom I feel blessed to have, taught me that you can create the life you want to live. As a child I would complain about something I wanted, and he would say, “If you want something, go get it.” What I wanted most was to be seen. It wasn’t until I could see myself that I met this goal. All along I thought I wanted others to see me. What I didn’t realize is that others see you when you see yourself.
Commitment to myself became the foundation everything else rested on. My children thrived when I was thriving. The idea of becoming a “Mother Tree” for my family became clearer. The more I cared for and trusted myself, the more present and loving I could be with my children.
I am proud to have changed how mothering is for my children and for myself. My house became a container of protection and safety that we could root ourselves in. My house became our home.
Rooted and Ready For What Is Next
Letting go of a home is also stepping toward the life it prepared you for.
Sadly, I will be selling my house. Through living here, I learned how to be held, protected, and cared for. This house taught me how to commit and how to connect. It taught me how to mother myself. My house became a home that encouraged me to root myself in self-love and become the Mother Tree for my family and for myself.
If you are curious about what hypnotherapy offers, book for a free 45 minute consultation with Pat Barker, Whole Brain Hypnotherapist, Life Coach, and Inclusion Teacher.
Pat Barker is the founder of Mother Tree coaching & hypnotherapy. She believes that empowered women and mother roots (generations) are similar to the thriving nature of trees in a forest. Once we connect with ourselves, understanding what is going on below the surface, we can heal ourselves. The *Mother Tree in a forest is "an elder tree that helps forests recover from events like fire or logging, by transmitting information through below-ground root and fungal networks." (S Simard)
Comments